Arrivederci August

How ’bout an update?

All right, since you asked.

Life sucks.

Hmmm. Well, that sounds a bit juvenile. Let me rephrase, from a mature, spiritual outlook: I’m sick of being tested! Enough already!

What do I mean?

First, I won’t hold it against you if you skip this post and go to another website. In fact, I encourage it. This post will only serve to embarrass me in the future, and no, I don’t want to talk about it. But since the influence of America’s religion, Therapeutic Moralistic Deism, has me convinced that venting is good (did our great-grandparents vent as much as we do?), allow me to barrel forth.

Had to cancel both my daughters’ day care because, well, we can no longer afford it. Why? Because I don’t have a job. It’s not my fault, mind you, that I’m out of work, but it’s my fault that I don’t have a job. So now I’ll be watching Patch and the Little One full-time. I am now a full-time mommy. I need to do some homeschooling, too, because we can’t have them watch TV all day. How I’ll fit job searching and interviewing (if that ever happens) into the picture I don’t know.

Last week I sent out 141 letters to various companies and corporations in my county. Six came back with bad addresses. I got seven emails and five postcards telling me to apply to the Careers section of their websites. Which I’ve been doing the twenty or so times I’ve applied online and never heard back from anyone. Employment Opportunity Limbo, it’s called; the black hole that swallows online resumes. Did get one call back (my par is three live calls, so, two more to go). But it’s for a job description which looks to be something I’ll dislike (by the way, I dislike everything that’s on my resume, but everyone’s telling me the only way to get hired in today’s economy is to sell yourself on your skills, i.e., now is not a time to step out and explore career alternatives) and it’s about $20,000 below me. My wife is pressuring me to apply, and my mind is considering investigating what’s known as “disconnect.”

Just had my lung scan done. It was supposed to be done a month ago but my insurance company was haggling with the doctor over whether the procedure is “necessary.” Man, can’t wait till the government gets its bean-counting hands into the insurance biz. I’ve been having difficulty breathing lately, lots of aches and pains, but people have been telling me it could be the humidity, the change of season, or stress. Who knows. I’ve lacked the discipline to consistently work out, so it still could be poor cardio fitness.

The further and further I get into the website thing (and I know have three concepts: one major and two minor) the more roadblocks I’m coming up against. And the more money I need to spend, money I don’t have. I’m no further along than I was a month ago, and that’s ticking me off because it’s something I can do, and it’s passive income I can earn. But I can’t find the time during the day to dedicate to the projects and at night I’m too tired to focus on anything but teevee or my latest novel.

You might laugh (and my wife does) but I can’t seem to stop eating ice cream. I can stop buying it, but then I’ll only move on to cookies or chips, soda, regular milk instead of soy. Emotional eating. The sugar craving must have something to do with not drinking alcohol since February 4 (subconsciously or consciously I attribute the beer and booze to the condition that put me in the hospital back then, so I don’t drink anymore). It might be cute that I have a little belly now, but it’s wrecking my sleep, giving me headaches, roller-coasting my blood sugar and probably rotting my teeth.

Ah, I ran out of steam. There’s other stuff, but it ain’t worth the keystrokes. So much to do and I feel like my legs are buried three feet deep in molasses. Remember dreams like that? Well, it’s now my reality. I need a new body. Or a new life. But then I’d lose the good things that I have now. Perhaps just a moratorium on “growth” imposed on me by outside forces. Just a neat little job that pays my share of the bills, one that I can leave at 5 pm. Just good-enough health that I can stalk the little ones without getting winded, and not have to worry about waking up at 4 am puking blood. Just a little peace of mind, maybe thirty minutes a day, of solace and serenity.

Sayonara August! On the balance sheets you show a robust negative equity, but there were a couple good deals mixed in your thirty-one days and still a few appreciating assets.

And an orange-juice toast to September, may it be the turnaround we all need!