The Ballad of Leroy and Knick

I had a cat as a little boy
His name was, honestly, Leroy
Spots of brown on long white hair
Auburn tail straight up in the air
A big fat water balloon of belly
Unchanged litter box foul and smelly
Little pink pads dotting under his paws
Fought on his back as he had no front claws
His greeting made you say, “Wow!
What an incredibly high-pitched meow!”
Our front windowsill his throne
Gnawed all day on a chicken bone
Dined on tender vittles at night
His obese body a magnificent sight
Bathing in the sun his only goal
Quenched his thirst from the toilet bowl
As older kids we’d often think
Let’s try to get Leroy to drink
Zambuca in his water dish
Budweiser mixed with tuna fish
But he ran off in a kinda slow flash
Tagged with a blue magic marker moustache
“I have an idea,” said my mother,
“Let’s bring Leroy to meet his brother!”
Fortunately the trip was not too far
Still car-sick Leroy peed the car
We thought we’d see brothers-in-arms
We saw instead some serious harm

My uncle had a cat named Knick
Whose uncouth habits made us sick
Long white hair with patches of brown
Occasional clumps of poop hung down
With some scissors we’d trim that turd
In gratitude he left us a dead bird
Tail cut in half in some accident foul
His meow a throaty growl
Around Grandpa’s legs he’d shed and pace
He licked the sweat off uncle’s face
In uncle’s sneaker he buried his head
Hid under a couch and we thought he was dead
Dragged his rump along the floor
To scratch an itch and maybe more
Paws perpetually a dirty gray
Prowled all night and slept all day
A neighbor’s dog nearly ended poor Knick
Till he ran through the garage door real quick
Compared to Leroy he wasn’t as fat
But, man, he was a really gross cat

So one early Spring Sunday
We drove to uncle’s house to play
Pee-stained Leroy in the backseat
We thought it would be an awesome treat
To reunite the two brothers cat
What could be more kumbaya than that?
They took one look at each other
Does a cat know the concept of “brother”?
In hindsight it wasn’t in their heart
For they tried to tear each other apart
Leroy clawed my mother’s arm
To try to give his brother harm
We all knew he was no match for Knick
This needed to be ended quick
We hauled Leroy back in the car
Knick howling from the yard afar
We drove back home and we all felt a little bitter
A cat has no brother once outside of the litter


THE END


Dedicated to the Little One …