Gun to My Head

Let’s face it, a lot of literature sucks. And of that big set of suckage, there’s a subset labeled: Highly Respected Literature. You know, stuff “they” make you read in high school and college. Stuff “they” tell you is Worthy Truth and Beauty.

But it’s still a subset of suckage.

Wanna have some fun with some examples?

Okay!

How much money would I have to be paid to re-read the following:

(Yes, unfortunately, I was forced to read them a first time.)


1. The Mummy by Anne Rice

$100.00

Not that bad a read, just tiresome, but I had to see how it ended.



2. Walden by Henry David Thoreau

$1,000.00

Ach! Seethes with self-righteous smugness! Blah! Blech!

Besides, I’d survive about 2.2 hours out in a cabin in the woods by myself.



3. Catcher in the Rye by J. D. Salinger

$2,000.00

Angst! Angsty-angst! Angst to the teen-aged-n-th degree!

This book did little to alleviate my sense of isolation as a kid. It did a lot to turn me off from literature, though.



4. Beloved by Toni Morrison

$1,000,000.00 !!!

Not kidding! See here if you absolutely, positively must.

I’d go as low as $500,000.00, but you’d probably have to put a gun to my head at the same time.



But in actuality I can’t complain, and I’m not. Four books out of something like eight hundred means there have been 796 pleasurable reads. That’s a .995 winning percentage. I’ll take it, even if you throw the occasional college lit biscuit.