Hopper's NFL Watchability Problem

OK, so I’ve read a bunch of articles and posts here and there about how the NFL is having problems. Primarily ratings problems, though one website labeled it a “watchability” problem. And that immediately lit up that invisible light bulb above my head. That’s exactly it for me, this season and last.

I’ve watched the NFL pretty regularly since the 94-95 season. Over time, I found myself getting too emotionally involved in my team – the New York Giants – my “tribe” as the sociologists may categorize it. I didn’t like that. The cliché “it’s just a game” does have more than a grain of truth, after all. I have zero skin in the game. In the long run, a game / season / playoff run doesn’t affect me in the least. So why was I going to bed royally pissed off after a close loss? I am, after all, a fan of the perpetually 9-7 Eli Manning Giants, so all games are close and only slightly more games are won than lost. So why the mental discombobulation from an activity that’s supposed to be fun and – even – relaxing?

In 2013 I decided to switch sports allegiances and began watching the Mets. Right off the bat I found the enjoyment and relaxation that had been missing. I wasn’t so emotionally invested, the games were slower paced, a loss wasn’t that catastrophic since ten baseball games equaled a football game in importance.

The past two season with the NFL, though, I’ve grown more than annoyed. I just don’t like watching the games anymore. Loyalty demands I do watch, though, but I may not after the Giants lackluster 0-2 offensive desert this year. But to me the NFL does have a watchability problem, and it’s not just due to the lousy New York teams.

In no particular order –

ADD (Attention Deficit Disorder) Syndrome: More bells! More whistles! More camera angles! Up close shots! Let’s cut to the replay, several times from several different angles! Let’s hear the grunting on the field, the play calling! Let’s put humongous CGI robots battling on the field! Zoom in on ecstatic epileptic fans! Let’s cut to sideline reporters yelling over the loud crowd! Quick – cut to our man in NFL headquarters discussing the last penalty! More colors! More noise! More hard cuts!

Commercials, commercials, commercials … and more commercials: There’s the kickoff. Then three minutes of commercials. Then, if the Giants have the ball, a three-and-out before five real-time minutes elapse. Then three more minutes of commercials. There was a famous study a few years’ back showing that an average football game only lasts 11 minutes when the ball is actually in play. 11 minutes spread out over three hours. The game clock actually runs for an hour – and the game’s three hours long! What fills those extra two hours? Commercials!

Thug culture: A proliferation of criminal behavior on and off the field, gangsta swagger, an excess of tattoos, stupid overlong celebrations in the end zone. Including some classy crotch grabbin’ from a Giants rookie in their loss Sunday night.

Overexposure: Sunday afternoon, 1 to 7. Sunday evening, 8:30-11:30. Monday evening, 8:30-11:30. Thursday evening, 8-11. And four London games airing at 7 am on various Sunday mornings. That’s anywhere from 15 to 18 hours of football a week. Not counting the hour-long pregame analysis shows. Throw them in and you’re at around 20 to 24 hours of football a week. Too, too much. The product is diluted.

Announcers who want to date Tom Brady, Dak Prescott, etc.: Good Lord, get a room! The effusive avalanche of gushing love praise from the broadcast booth slathered on the select elected stars of the league is often quite embarrassing, if you take the time to actual listen to what is said. (Oh, announcers, one other thing, and I think I speak for all Giants, Eagles, and Redskins fans: just because you call Dallas “America’s team,” doesn’t mean everyone in America loves them!)

The kneel-down protests: Personally, I haven’t seen any at a game I’ve watched. I watch mostly Giants games, and I believe they’re one of the teams that hasn’t allowed this infection to fester to its sideline. But, yeah, the nationwide attention has had its effect, and I blame more the league itself for a cowardly, half-hearted, fence-sitting response more than the actual dopes taking a knee.

Ah, that’s enough. Giants lose this weekend to Philly, I may just ditch the entire season and resume bird-watching.