Godzilla vs Kong

All right, indulge me for a moment. Or rather, the child in me.

King Kong vs. Godzilla was one of my favorite movies growing up in the 70s. I must have watched it a dozen times, and this was the era before VHS tapes, DVDs, DVRs, and Netflix. You had to wait for it to come on one of the dozen or so TV channels we had, and been lucky enough to catch it. But catch it I did. This 1963 extravaganza, along with some Harryhausen films like Jason and the Argonauts and classic 50s sci fi flicks like The Thing and The Day the Earth Stood Still made my childhood magical.

Over the years I’ve been disappointed with the remakes, to say the least. First was that awful flick in the late 90s, then was fat Godzilla in 2014. Terrible. But I got wind a few years ago that Kong was now going to be in the picture and, I have to confess, I got a little excited.

This would be a perfect movie to bond with my youngest daughter, I remember thinking. Alas, too many years passed and now, firmly ensconced at the fulcrum between tween and teen, she decided to take a hard pass on it when my friend invited me over this past weekend to watch it.

Now, this is the guy I go to movies with – or used to, pre-Wu Flu – to catch the horror and SF flicks the wife showed no interest in. (And, corollary-wise, she’d go see chick flicks and Rom-Coms with my friend’s wife – it’s a win-win all around!) We’d make our movie-going an adventure, usually hitting up a bar for a few beers and shooting the breeze before going in. But since the theaters are still locked down, something was missing.

But he more than made up for it. Somehow he came across six authentic movie theater chairs. Modern ones. You know, the ones that recline and have the food tray swivel across your lap and the hole for your 64-ounce soda. He installed them in two rows of three in his den, with the row behind raised a foot on a carpeted wooded dais. Then he installed a massive flat screen with all the acoustical trappings – bass, overhead speakers, side speakers, you name it. It is as close to being in a movie theater that one can get.

So he wanted to know if I wanted to watch it with him last Friday night. Now, I still apologize to him for dragging him to Godzilla 2014 all those years ago. But a quick google of Godzilla vs. Kong showed that it was actually getting positive reviews. I agreed and drove over, stopping at Liquorland for a six-pack of Yuengling to split.

What did I think of Godzilla vs Kong?

I really, really enjoyed it. I knew what I was signing up for, and it wasn’t going to be Citizen Kane, or even a more modern classic like John Carpenter’s The Thing or James Cameron’s Aliens. But for what it was, two giant monsters slugging it out Sumo-style (with Kong hurling a right cross that could fell Tyson), it was pretty darn good.

Yeah, all the human characters are cardboard.

Yeah, the plot is completely unhinged from reality ( – Hollow Earth? Really?)

Yeah, you get the feeling entire subplots had been edited into oblivion, so the resulting story makes little sense if thought about too hard.

Yeah, the dialogue is LOL goofy at times.

Yeah, twists can be seen a continent away.

But the CGI was phenomenal. There were futuristic hovercrafts and a world where gravity worked in weird ways. I bought into the special effects completely, wholly, and in totality. That is the secret of this big loud dumb fun flick.

Was it the fact I saw it on a giant TV screen? Sure. Was it the fact that every Kong or Godzilla roar or stomp thudded my heart a couple millimeters to the side without fail? Yep. Was it the fact I was enjoying a film with my friend and some delicious beers in the Covid Apocalypse? You know it.

I won’t rehash the plot, such as it was, here. But the bottom line is based on the brawling of the behemoth beasts –

   Godzilla > Kong

   Kong > Mecha-Godzilla

   Mecha-Godzilla > Godzilla

My favorite scene? When Mecha-Godzilla attains sentience in the background behind moustache-twirling bad guy’s final monologue.

Grade: solid A for pure childhood entertainment.