Wednesday, December 7, 2022

Places You Will Never Find Hopper

 

* Spelunking 1,000 feet below the surface of the earth


* Holding a banner over my head on stage behind a Democrat politician


* Watching the depth gauge as the submarine I’m observing in descends to 400 meters below sea level


* Marching in a First Deadly Sin Parade


* Cracking the doors at a Toastmasters meeting


* Being “audited” at the local Church of Scientology in Irving


* Sharpening knives at the Culinary Institute of America (located in beautiful San Antonio, Texas)


* At any of the seven thousand car dealerships in the Dallas area asking the receptionist, “Can I fill out a job application?”


* Flexing and posing oiled while rocking a skimpy spedo on stage at a bodybuilding competition


* Adjusting that aerial antenna atop the Empire State Building, no matter how many harnesses I’m hooked into and how many zeros are on the end of that check you’re gonna pay me




* Idling the hours away gabbin’ at the northeast water cooler at the office where I work


* Clamping a bungie cord around my leg – on anything over an altitude of ten feet above ground


* On the dance floor flaunting my macarena / cotton-eyed joe / YMCA skillz to the crowd

 


Note: If I’d be likely to find you at any of the situations mentioned above, more power to ya! It just ain’t my cup of tea!

 


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