Hopper Goes to the Movies

Well, haven’t been there in a while.

Me and my buddy normally go about once a month or so, usually to check out bad science fiction or horror flicks. We alternate with our wives, who usually go together to see Hugh Grant flicks. See? It’s a win-win all around. Plus we blow off some steam by quaffing a few brews before … which usually makes the movie a little more interesting.

Anyway, the last time I saw something with him was It back in September. So it’s been a while.

Now don’t get me wrong. I do enjoy seeing films with the Mrs. We like our TCM at home late at night, and we like to go out and see something when my parents watch the girls during weeklong summer and spring break vacations. Usually its historical fodder, as we’re both history buffs of a sort. We rented The Darkest Hour, the Churchill biopic, back in February. Other than that the last time we saw a movie together at the movies was Dunkirk, last July I think. So it’s been a while.

The Chappaquiddick movie intrigued me. I was an amateur JFK assassination researcher over a span of ten years, until studying both Posner’s and Bugliosi’s books convinced me to the Lone Gunman camp. And a few years back I read a thorough treatment of RFK’s murder which inspired me to do a little Internet research. But of Ted Kennedy I knew relatively little. I remember reading something online about it perhaps a decade back. But that was it. So I wanted to see it, and figured it would be a good “historical” movie to watch with the wife.

I waited until tax season was over and she had a free night. Fortunately the young ’uns were at my mother’s for spring break. We decided to make a date of it and went out to a fine establishment to partake of some fine priced appetizers and down a drink or two, in honor of the film-on-deck’s antagonist. Gallows humor, forgive me. But we caught up on times, not really having spoken longer than ten or twenty minutes due to the frantic hecticness of our winter schedules, and too-soon headed off for the theater.

We got a bucket of popcorn and some candy and entered the cool darkness of the theater. Always love it. However, I do not love the coming attractions. In fact, I absolutely hate them. Don’t know if it’s a function of my getting older or the studios getting more annoying (probably both), but the blaring volume, the jarring boom of off-and-on sound levels, the ADD editing, and the sheer length of them quickly got to me. I mean, I must’ve been subjected to a dozen three-minute trailers, all for movies and TV shows I have absolutely no desire to see.

Then something happened.

The screen went completely dark, but the sound and fury – I mean, stupidity – continued.

Now, the beauty of seeing a movie like Chappaquiddick on a Thursday night three or four weeks after it’s been released is that, aside from us, there were two other couples in the entire theater. Since the lights were still up, we all kinda looked at each other, uncertain. Finally, I got up and went out to the concession stand. I told some bored teen that the video was out in our theater, but just as he was listening to me a third time to get the message, my wife called me and said the video was back up.

I went back in and was subjected to two or three more trailers.

Then the video went out again, and stayed out.

Ten minutes later the older couple in front of us left. I followed, this time heading right to the Customer Service window. I explained what was going on, and the young lady there told me that due to a projector malfunction the only thing they could do was refund me the ticket price.

What??!!

I wanted to see this movie! And it wasn’t playing in any other theater in the multiplex!

No dice. I guess the theater didn’t mind eating the price of six tickets to worry about a malfunctioning projector that evening.

Dejected, I got the Mrs. and we headed out. Chappaquiddick was playing a few towns over at nine o’clock, my wife helpfully suggested, but I, still fatigued from preparing two dozen tax returns for angry miserable people over the last week, declined.

We drove to our local library and rented a Cary Grant flick, so the evening wasn’t a total write-off.

But Ted Kennedy – I shall see the cinematic depiction of the act of moral cowardice that prevented your ascendency to the White House, if I have to go by myself on a weekday afternoon at lunch time.

Nah, I’ll probably rent it when it comes out On Demand in a few weeks …