Okay, here’s
something a little unexpected and unusual.
I’ve never
been an outdoorsman. Had I lived in medieval times I’d probably have been a
cleric enclosed in a monastery or a hermit in a Carthusian cell. Or I’d be an
apprentice to a merchant, stocking shelves by day and reading scrolls by candlelight at night in my tiny attic room. What I would not have been would be: farmer or a
hunter. I have no natural affinity for the Great Outdoors, for Mother Nature,
roaming the great plains or the tundra or lush forests or sailing the deep seas. I am not an
outdoorsman. Don’t have the genes.
Like home
repair and auto mechanics, that gene has passed me by. In fact, whatever
genetic propensity I might have had for that particular love skipped me and was
passed on to my younger brother, who has it in spades. I mean, he’s currently
an automotive technician, and as a teen was an amateur taxidermist and
considered a career as a forest ranger.
It was not
for lack of trying – on my father’s part. Yes, I did have a shotgun license, thanks to my dad.
But I enjoyed the clay pigeons about as much as I hated tromping through the
bushes hunting rabbits, pheasants, and grouse. And fishing – forget that! I
would much rather read the Merriam-Webster dictionary than cast a line off a
bridge waiting for a bite. (That is not an exaggeration – I once purchased a 25-pound M-W at a book fair and I was enraptured.) True story: I
read chapters 4 through 8 of The Fellowship of the Ring in a rowboat in
the middle of the lake while my father and brother fished for sunnies.
All right, now we come to the unexpected and unusual part: I’ve been binge watching fish and wildlife law enforcement videos.
Now … hear me out.
It’s more
law enforcement than fish and wildlife. Basically, Fish and Wildlife Commission
(FWC) officers pull aside boaters and bust them for all sorts of violations.
From poaching to catching over the limit to not carrying registrations and
licenses or having the requisite number and type of safety jackets, fire
extinguishers and even horns. Mix in the occasional boating while intoxicated
or smoking by a fuel pump at a dock, and you have a recipe for some quite
interesting videos.
Most of
the perps are contrite and, well, a little embarrassed and taken aback at the
seriousness of which the FWC regards these infractions. After all, who thinks
taking an extra four or five fish helps deplete the coastal population? But
some go crazy, some get irate, and once in a while one gets arrested.
Yes, it’s
a current fad because I’m bored with everything else on YouTube and am sick of
the death and destruction filtered into my head from the news media. But my
accounting job requires the analysis of spreadsheet after spreadsheet, and most
of us at work listen to some form of music or videos on headphones to make the
clock hands move quicker. This week for me it’s FWC enforcement videos. Next
week, who knows?
But, rest
assured, you won’t find me perusing fishing rods and reels at the sporting
goods store. The closest I’ll come to a fish is my next reading of Moby Dick
or Jaws.
Note: As a
non-outdoorsman and non-fisherman, I am not responsible for the accuracy of any
outdoors- or fishing-relating content in this post. Thanks!
