Falling Skies

Finally watched the premiere of the teevee series "Falling Skies" we DVR'd over the weekend. Now, I'm not much for teevee series, since something close to 99.9994 percent of them stink, and the rare, rare gems you stumble across are usually canceled by dimwitted teevee execs way too early. The old adage is that SF movies are about two decades behind SF novels in terms of cutting-edge ideas, interest, and execution. Teevee is about two decades behind movies in this regard.

The wife read some good print about the series (no doubt paid for by the offending studio's publicity department). So we DVR'd it and decided to give it a shot. I sat through the whole two-hour opening and generally didn't like it. Kinda knew it would be lame after the first ten minutes or so, but we stuck with it.

Since I'm in a pissy and ornery mood today, here's a list of 20 Observations the Hopper Made During the Two-Hour Premier of the Television Series "Falling Skies":


(1) Troglodyte military commander who's brusk and doesn't consider others' feelings. Check.

(2) Versus enlightened, progressive, and humane civilian advocates. Check.

(3) Special effects approximately on the level of a Syfy channel flick.

(4) Two-legger "mech" walkers a cross between a Predator and a War of the Worlds Tripod without manifesting the menace or dread of either.

(5) Six-legged alien "skitters" puzzling ... but not scary or overly dangerous.

(6) Spring-loaded alien taking the place of a spring-loaded cat (in a dark warehouse; you've seen it a couple hundred times).

(7) Testosterone chicks - 95-pound young ladies who can flip 200-pound men with simple judo moves.

(8) They also won't hesitate to plug you with hot lead if you cross them - and they're always dead-accurate shots.

(9) Multi-cultural cast of good guys - wait - there's no Hispanics! There are blacks, asians, whites, but no Hispanics! Organize a protest! Oh, wait, I guess that 15-year-old girl who loves to pray to God is a stand in for the traditional Latina / Latino group. Grievance avoided.

(10) White supremacists holed up in Massachusettes, of all places.

(11) "Rednecks" are one of the last acceptable stereotypes / prejudices for Hollywood to indulge in.

(12) Bad guys out of Hollywood central casting - a cross between Michael Jackson's Bad video and Chris Angel's entourage.

(13) Scummy and amoral human badguy surnamed "Pope." Thank you again, Hollywood. You're so "edgy."

(14) Genius military historian holding prolonged, loud debate out in the middle of town square - get indoors before a alien ship or some random mechs spot you, dummies!

(15) Bringing 13-year-olds (who fall in love with bait dogs) on dangerous missions with you, even when you have several able-bodies twentysomethings present.

(16) Approximate breakdown: 2 hours of premiere; 15 minutes fighting aliens; 60 minutes fighting humans; 45 minutes wistful stares and meaningful glances.

(17) He picked the wrong book from the pile on the street! While I love Dickens (and read A Tale of Two Cities in 2002), ya gotta go with Jules Verne in an SF movie.

(18) Good that the professor half-smirkenly gives history lectures at every opportunity for us illitrit yokels out in teeveeland.

(19) It's obvious that to these screenwriters it is more honorable and noble to go with your feelings and attempt desperate missions with low odds of success rather than retreat and regroup to fight another better fight another day.

(20) Worse than being outright bad in an overall sense, it was ... just boring.