Test Results

Just got the test results back from my latest bloodwork. My doctor says my cheese count is dangerously low.

“We need to put you on a strict, emergency regimen,” he said over the phone. “I’m faxing a prescription for some Imported Finlandia Swiss to your local deli as we speak.”

How dangerously low are we talking about?

My doctor is thinking about adding Parmesan supplements to my morning bowl of cereal. “But that’s something I want you to discuss with your wife and family first.”

“I’d also like to see you work in two to three calzones a week over the next month,” he added. “How soon can you get to a pizzeria?”