Gluttons

Vern sat in the home office one morning going through the mail. A pretty bright envelope caught his attention. He opened it, and wouldn’t you know, it was an offer for a new credit card.

Gee, he thought, it’s amazing with my credit history they’re still offering these to me. He thought a moment about his tough financial situation. Maxed out on four cards: American Express, Visa, Mastercard, and Discover. But now, in his hands, was an offer for a Capital One card with an introductory offer of near-zero interest and no annual fee.

Then a faraway look came over Vern. With this card, he mused, scratching his chin, I can finally get that gym membership I’ve been longing for. And I can buy those jet skis I keep seeing on sale at Creery’s. They’d be perfect for this summer’s vacation! Hey – we can upgrade to a better cabin, too! Just put it all on the new card!

Excited, he jumped out of his chair and hurried into the teevee room. Doris was there, hair in curlers, ironing his shirts while watching Judge Judy. He quickly put all his daydreams into words for her, waving the Capital One application about for emphasis.

Doris looked aghast. “Who do you think you are – Barrack Obama, Harry Reid, and Nancy Pelosi?”

Vern was ashamed. He had never been called anything so bad before. How did he let himself go so far so fast? Quietly, he returned to the home office and threw the application in the trash. Rolling up his sleeves, he then prepared a long-overdue family budget and started to cut some of their more extravagant expenditures, at least until they paid off some of the other four cards.