Real Stimulus

Forgive Me

Thanks to the extraordinary efforts of the Hopper family, I think we’ve just guaranteed the re-election of the Amateur President.

How?

By really stimulating the economy this Christmas season.

How so?

Well, as I sit here at my desk I stare at a pile of receipts – so many I can’t guesstimate their number by a simple glance alone. Twenty? Twenty-five? Thirty? And the thing is, those are only the receipts that made it to my desk. I know for a fact there are a bunch still in my wallet, still in the key drawer, still in the center console of my bad*ss 2008 Chevy Impala. Lord knows how many receipts are still in that bottomless pit known as my wife’s handbag. And there’s more than one handbag, too.

There’s your immediate family. Then there’s your larger family, in our case, parents and a single, all-encompassing gift for my nephews. Then, friends. Friends’ children, too, somehow no longer limited solely to godchildren. Your children’s friends for your children’s Christmas parties. Your children’s teachers, all eight of them. Grab bags at work. Secret Santas among the extended family. And on, and on, and on.

So, thanks to the valiant spending of me and mine here at Chateau Hopper, the economy will have grown about 7.5 percent this month as opposed to a typical, Obamaesque 1.5 – 2 percent. And the media will trumpet it all the way to Election Day, 2012.

Please forgive me.