Bagelgate

Has being overlooked when bagels are offered ever resulted in an apoplectic epileptic fit of near-aneurystic proportions?

Yes.

Case in point: Jerk at Work.

This is an anonymous blog after all, and I’m hesitant to post anything about my job, but this is too unbelievable to pass up. And if Jerk at Work should ever read these words and realize that I’m writing about him – shame on you.

A third-party benefits company wants to come in to the new store my company bought over the summer. I’m only peripherally involved; they’re gonna handle the whole thing. Come in, pitch themselves and their products, gage interest, return in two days, hold one-on-one sit-downs with those employees interested. Me, I only need to get the word out at the new place and show up the first day. The second store is 40 miles further away than my present job location, so it’s a hike. But since I need to train someone over there anyway, I go.

I do my part in getting the word out the previous week and the morning of. Then I proceed with the training. The third-party benefits company comes in and brings a delicious spread of assorted bagels into the conference room where they’ll be holding meetings. I peek in on them every now and then, see that the meetings are pretty full. Things seem to be going well. I finish my training early and decide to leave after being there two hours. “Do you need anything?” I ask the third-party guys before I leave. “No,” their lead says. “We’ll finish up, come back in two days, let you know the results.”

Fireworks light up shortly after I leave.

Jerk at Work manages a small department over there – he and three other people. Somehow, the third-party benefit guys overlooked his department that first day. Despite flyers, posters, payroll memos, and Jerk at Work himself asking me when these people would be over, no one from that department thought to go into the conference room all day.

What would you do in his shoes?

Me, I’d just speak with them when they returned in two days. Or speak to the “me” who is kinda the company liaison with them. Or ask someone in the general office, perhaps.

But no. Jerk at Work is furious.

FYUUUUUUUUURIIIIOOOOUUUUUUUSSSSSSSSSS!

He throws a temper tantrum in front of the ladies in the office. He curses my name, tells me I can go xxxx myself. Of course, I’m not there to hear any of this, having left an hour earlier. And what’s the most egregious affront to his supersensitive, somewhat crazed ego?

NO ONE OFFERED HIM A BAGEL!

Ahhhhhh!

Damn you, Hopper!

Make sure your Jerk at Work knows if you bring these in!

Unaware of all this, at the behest of the third-party benefits company, I send an email out to the employees who did not have an opportunity to sit in on the meetings. Jerk at Work is on the list. Uh-oh. His chance for redemption.

Which he blows. He responds to my email by telling me that no one in his department was invited to the meetings and no one was offered THE DELUXE BREAKFAST. Yes, he capitalized it. Then he informs me that no one in his department-of-four is interested in the benefits.

No big deal to me. I reply with an apology for any oversight, and ask them all to just sign waivers.

He can’t let it rest, so he responds back right away. He wants to make sure I understand where I failed. Because in failing, I somehow alienated “half the building.” (Note: more than eight people work there. Over thirty, by last count.) He “strives” to keep that from happening, because it is “detrimental to the business as a whole.”

Wow, someone make this guy Customer Relations Manager.

To cover himself, he ends with: “as far as myself I will not sign anything”, in regards to waivers. I bet the rest of his department, all three employees, might want to consider these bennies.

Anyway, I let it rest and did not reply. Despite this post, I bear him no ill will. I once heard it said that a professional never takes it personally, and it usually takes a year on the job to become a professional. I agree, and I hold myself to that standard, and I like to think I passed that mark years ago. So, I’ll still go out of my way to make sure he’s a happy employee (or at least as happy as he can be). Because a happy employee is a productive employee.

But boy was this a fun blog to write!