Super Bowl LV

 

OK, have to come clean. The family and I watched Super Bowl LV, at the wife’s suggestion. We haven’t watched much NFL since it became woke three or four years ago. Did not watch a regular season game or a playoff game over the past two seasons, and we did not watch last year’s Super Bowl. The Mrs. suggested it would be a fun thing to do as a family as we’ve been pretty much snowed in all week. We could skip the pregame, mute the commercials, and hold our noses should any nonsense seep its way in to the telecast. I reluctantly agreed.

I drew up a 10 x 10 betting grid to get the girls involved. Everyone penciled 25 nicknames for him- or herself into it and we drew numbers 0-9 randomly out of a hat. $5 a quarter for whoever had the last two digits of the score. This actually worked, and the girls watched the game intently. Patch won the first quarter, Little One the remaining three. Mom and I didn’t, and if we did, we’d “play it forward” and contribute our winnings to the next quarter. Still, “It’s not fair!” Patch cried, angry at her sister’s winnings. To which we had to laugh: “Actually, it’s extremely fair! – it’s completely random and based on the play of two teams who have no idea you’re betting on them.”

We thought of ordering wings from Biggies, but with the six inches we got (which ended only a little after 4 pm, after which we all had to go out and shovel), we decided against. Fortunately, during errands yesterday, we stocked up the freezer with TGIF snacks: potato skins, mozzarella sticks, jalapeno poppers, and French bread pizza. So we ate all that during the first half. Totally off my keto diet, but well worth it.

Now, the game itself.

It started off a little flat, but then the Bucs picked up steam and Kansas City just … didn’t. I haven’t followed football all year and not during the runup to the big game, but I do understand Andy Reid’s son got into a car accident a few days ago which left a little girl in the hospital. I do think that was a factor. But Tampa Bay came to play, did all their homework, had all the bases covered, and the Chiefs, well, I am reminded of that famous quote attributed to Mike Tyson: “Everyone has a plan until he gets punched in the face.”

It was a boring game, save for the valiant attempts of Patrick Mahomes to get any of his receivers to catch a ball. When he wasn’t being grinded down by Todd Bowles’s defense. That ankle must be killing him today.

And I can’t believe I am writing this, but, I have to admit, I am grudgingly coming to respect Tom Brady. Twenty years of hating him – his regular twice yearly humiliating thrashing of the Jets and the triannual whipping of the Giants (who seem to only be able to beat him in the Super Bowl) – that’s reason enough. I dunno, I found myself kinda rooting for him. Maybe it was the change of scenery away from New England and Belichick. Maybe it’s the fact he was considered washed up and he picked himself up and moved down south, took over another team, and brought them to a Super Bowl victory. Maybe, even, it’s because he has the courage to be a Trump supporter in these Soviet days of America. Maybe it’s because he decided conspicuously not to wear a mask.

It’s probably all these things, in that descending order of importance.

So congratulations, Tom. You earned it.

Curious that there were no kneelers on the sidelines during the anthem and that there were jets flown overhead. Were the players spoken to beforehand? Told not to offend half of America on its most important secular holiday? Or are we going to see a return to normalcy on the gridiron now that Orange Man Gone? I dunno. I’m exhausted of politics, and don’t even want to speculate.

But I don’t plan on watching the NFL next year.

Until, possibly, the Super Bowl. Maybe then those quarters in the Casa Hopper betting grid will be worth $10 a piece.