Ankle Sprain

So I got up early yesterday feeling energetic. I stretched, did a brisk 2-set 10-exercise weight workout, showered, changed, gathered up the dry cleaning and the due library books, and headed out the front door. The little ones were in Texas, the wife was doing her own thing, and I was going to get some errands done. Recycling, Barnes and Noble, capped off with a trip to the Giant Farmer’s Fresh market for some incredibly delicious wings.

Then, I met the baby pumpkin. Rather, it met me.

Every Halloween season the wife likes to decorate our porch. We have a concrete porch of three steps. Each step is bookmarked with tiny baby pumpkins, each about the size of a baseball, and two big pumpkins guard either side of the front door. Well, yesterday was November 9, and we still had the pumpkins adorning the porch.

Also, apparently, we had some fierce windstorms the night before.

I rushed out the door with an armful of dress shirts and three cinder-block sized books. Closed the door behind me, took a first step down the porch and immediately my left ankle buckled inward. In the middle of the night the winds had blown a baby pumpkin into the middle of the stairs and I, vision blocked by too much stuff in my hands, failed to see it and stepped right on to it. It immediately went right and I went down to the left.

The pain was so intense and so quick I could do nothing but pitch forward down the remaining steps and wipe out on the lawn. Books and laundry went flying. I landed on my right shoulder and rolled forward.

My first thought was a broken ankle. I got on all fours and realized I couldn’t bear any weight on my left leg. I crawled up the stairs and burst into the living room, flopping on the ground. “Help me! I need help!” was all I could utter.

I laid on the floor for ten minutes while my heart slowed down. My wife put a pillow under my head, cleared off the single chair, pulled out the ottoman, and put some ice in a plastic bag.

For the next ten hours I sat in that chair, left leg raised, iced every two hours for twenty minutes. We watched Creed, L.A. Confidential, Daddy’s Home, Bundesliga soccer, The Wolverine. We did Door Dash for Chipotle for lunch, then some veggie lasagna from the oven for dinner. I found a four foot wooden dowel to use as a makeshift crutch to hobble from the chair to the bathroom every two hours.

What is wrong with the ankle? Well, I decided against a trip to the hospital. I can wiggle my left foot forward, rightward, and backward, but not to the left. The left side of the ankle is completely swollen. The pain is gone except when I put weight on it. The wife is going to the pharmacy later today to pick me up some crutches. If there is no improvement by Monday or Tuesday, I’ll go to the hospital, but I can’t see what they’ll do other than put me in a boot.

Now, however, I have some time to read and write guilt-free ...