Coyote Men

SCENE: Interior of the Rav4, motoring down the highway out in the Pennsylvania woodlands, sometime during the ninety-minute drive home from Grammy’s.

DADDY: (exasperated) Why don’t you tell a scary story ?

LITTLE ONE: Okay!

(long pause)

LITTLE ONE: Once upon a time, a long time ago, there were these monsters that lived in the woods. They were half-gorilla, half-cavemen –

DADDY: What were they called?

LITTLE ONE: Uh, they were called the … Coyote Men!

DADDY: All right. Half-gorilla, half-cavemen, and they were called the Coyote Men. Got it.

LITTLE ONE: So, one night, during a fulllllll mooooooon, a man named Walter was walking through the woods –

DADDY: What’s the man’s name?

LITTLE ONE: Daddy, I told you! Walter! One night during a full moon he was walking through the woods, when suddenly – wham! – he was attacked by the Coyote Men!

DADDY: Those are the half-gorilla, half-cavemen men.

LITTLE ONE: Right. But Walter knew karate, so ka-POW! Kee-YA! Bam! BAM! (gesticulates wildly, as seen in the Rav4’s rear view mirror)

DADDY: So he was able to get away from the Coyote Men?

LITTLE ONE: Yes! (pause, then, in an evil whisper) But Big Minnie got him!

DADDY: Big Minnie? Who the heck’s Big Minnie?

LITTLE ONE: Big Minnie is a giant, pink dinosaur! And do you know what she eats?

DADDY: What?

LITTLE ONE: Grown-ups! (another sinister pause) Boy grownups!

DADDY: (panicking) I’m a boy grownup! I’m a boy grownup!


… And thus, all the way home …