Enough Global Warming Already!

Today marked the sixth time in thirteen days we’ve received over three inches of global warming. Now, three inches may not seem a lot, but consider this: This first dose of global warming put eight inches of the white stuff on the roads, sidewalks, lawns, walkways, etc. Then three more inches three days later. Then eleven, then three, then three, and now, today, three again. Because global warming has led to below-freezing February temperatures where I live, nothing has melted. I now have about thirty inches of glacier crowding out my house.

I am sick of it. The wife is sick of it. All my coworkers are sick of it. The guy in line behind me at the grocery store is sick of it. The mother I stand next to picking up my kids from aftercare is sick of it. The teachers there are, too. About the only ones who ain’t sick of it are my two girls, who still look with glee upon the fallen, downy global warming, images of sledding and snowball tossing dancing in their heads.

My back can’t take much more of it. Nor can my nerves with the whole commuting thing. During the previous three inches of global warming, icy temps froze even well-traveled streets, and for ten minutes I was stuck in the Impala. Couldn’t go forward or back. What to do? What to do? Finally, I was able to turn the wheel and floor the accelerator such that the car slipped backwards diagonally and I was able to thread my way downhill between angry SUV drivers to get on to a safer road.

I’ve absolutely had it. If this is what global warming has brought us here in northern New Jersey, I hearken back to the days of my youth in the late 1970s and shout to the skies: bring on global cooling!