Sunday Commercials

What I Learned Watching Sunday Afternoon Commercials During Football Games


- No fat people drink beer.

- Every group of football fans watching football on teevee will be a perfect ethnic mixture, will consist only of wild n crazy, fun-loving twenty-somethings and will include a hot babe.

- Chicks who watch football are always hot babes.

- Guys who watch football are always pudgy goofy doofi. (Unless they are in a commercial requiring wild n crazy fun loving twenty-somethings in perfect ethnic mixtures.)

- Announcers for truck commercials always sound like the Marlboro Man.

- Trucks in truck commercials never get dirty.

- Insurance companies should spend less money on their advertising expenses. Or hire better marketing agencies.

- That Prius commercial featuring the giant “man” made up of twenty real bendy people is very, very creepy. Burger King King creepy.

- Regular married joes in commercials typically live in houses five times the size of mine.

- I'm probably gonna see that Thing reboot with my buddy in the theaters and I can guarantee it won’t live up to John Carpenter's benchmark.

- That guy from Terra Nova is so, so proud of his $300 beard. Or at least the show’s producers are.

- The commercial with the giant cowboy hats is unfunnily stupid.

- Everyone in teeveeland are carefree happy consumers, and if there’s a wrinkle or a frown in anyone’s life, it’s quickly resolved by the helpful and wondrous product being advertised.

But, of course, I’m just pointing out the obvious ...