Thursday, May 16, 2013

Baseball Proposition

So last night, making dinner while the little ones are showering, I put on the Yankee game. It’s the top of the 1st, the Mariners are at bat. Twelve minutes later, the score is 7-0, Seattle. I shake my head. I though the Yankees were still good, despite all the injuries. Oh well.

I serve dinner and clean up, blow dry hair, supervise the brushing and flossing of teeth, read bedtime stories, and get them to bed by 8:15. I read my latest PJF for a little while, then turn on the tube again.

This time it’s the Mets. They’re playing St. Louis. Some quick bad pitching and poor fielding results in 2 runs for the Cardinals. I shut it off after a few minutes.

I have a proposition for New York baseball.

I may even send a certified letter to the Yankees’ and Mets’ front offices.

Here’s my suggestion:

Pay me to stop watching the games.

Since your offense plummets to around .087 and your opponent’s surges to somewhere around .823 whenever I’m in front of the teevee, why not give me an incentive to not watch? How can that possibly hurt you?

I’m easy. I figure, as an experiment, for the rest of the year, why not pay me … oh … say, $100 per game not watched. Since there’s around 125 games left in the season, that’ll only cost you each $12,500. It’s a win-win. I make an extra 25K, and you guys can actually start winning games! (Since the Yanks aren’t really that bad, I’m willing to drop my fee down to $50 a game for them.)

I figure me not watching is good for 40 wins a season.

That means this year even the Mets will have a chance at the playoffs.

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