Scenes from an American Business

Scene 1:

Mr. Robertson, three-piece-suited and driving a large mahogany desk, punches an intercom button, asking his receptionist to send Bob in. Bob enters nervously and Mr. Robertson gestures him to a chair across the desk. “Bob,” he says, “you’re just not hitting the new sales numbers we projected these past few months. We need to make some changes. I’m afraid your services will no longer be needed here.” He leans forward, honestly believing what he is about to say: “Nothing personal, Bob, it’s just business.”

Scene 2:

Mr. Robertson is discussing the current financial statement with some department managers in the conference room. “Payroll expense is just through the roof. We stopped the overtime hours and instituted a hiring freeze, right?” Nervous nods and grunts of affirmation. “I can’t explain it,” he says. “I think we’re carrying too many people.” There’s a tense pause, and Mr. Robertson makes up his mind. “Go back to your departments and let one person go. Least productive preferably, last in if you got union people,” he orders. “And if they ask why, just tell ’em it’s nothing personal, just business.”

Scene 3:

Mr. Robertson’s body is lying in the morgue, having died in bed late last night. Camera slowly drifts in, focusing in on his unblinking eye. Fade to black, then fade in on what appears to be an ill-lit reddish and smoky cave. A naked Mr. Robertson suddenly caroms into view. He’s visibly nervous, shaking, uncertain. He keeps looking upward, panting, as he keeps running but goes nowhere. Finally, an ominous dolby-stereo laughter crescendos and Mr. Robertson covers his ears in pain. “Lord, Lord,” he cries out, “help me!” And after a few seconds of absolute silence, a soft yet strong voice says, “Nothing personal, just business,” and Mr. Robertson falls through a hole in the floor of the cave.


Some quick visuals which flashed through my mind while, of all things, I was washing an apple in the company break room. Oh, and we just let go someone from my department who just got back from taking three unpaid days moving into her new house. In fairness, though, her situation was not quite as unjustly dramatic as the one faced by Mr. Robertson’s unfortunate employees.