Mass Pet Peeves

For the longest time I sat on the fence about the subject of this post. My family goes to church every Sunday, usually the same 10:30 mass, but this time we were slow out of the gate and had to attend the mass at noon. While the preaching at my Church is excellent and fairly orthodox, there are other elements that I find to be of varying degrees of annoyance. So, week after week, I tell my wife, "I'm going to blog about this!" and come Monday, feeling charitable and more than a little guilty, I have a change of heart and don't write what I intended to the day before.

Well, the noon mass I went to is ... while not quite a "youth" mass, let's say it takes some liberties that I feel are detrimental to the spirit of the mass. What is this spirit, you ask? I know that the mass honors the sacrifice Christ made for us, giving His life in our stead so that we may be saved and have eternal life. I ask only for a modicum of respect and reverence by my fellow churchgoers and those in charge of conducting and participating in the mass.

Here's a short list of the liturgical areas of improvement at my church. I write without bitterness or anger, probably more of a feeling approaching sadness. None of these "abuses", which may be too strong a word, "ruins" the mass for me. However, I feel they are quite damaging to the spirit as a whole that we should collectively have when we participate in what is, for most, their only regular communion with the transcendent.

In no real particular order, this is what I experience week in and week out -

* Jeans and sneakers. Do not wear jeans to mass. Do not wear sneakers. We go to weddings and interviews and even, for most of us, our daily jobs dressed better than what some wear to church. Business casual minimum; don't go there dressed as a slob.

* Flesh, flesh, flesh, especially on your teen-aged daughters. Ladies, cover up. And make sure your daughters cover up, too. They are not going to the beach, no matter how hot it may be outside. Nor should they dress like a typical school day, either.

* Chatting before and during mass. We have a young daughter, so talking is inevitable. But it should be done in a hushed tone and not drawn out. Clusters of people guffawing together in the minutes before the opening procession is just plain rude.

* Late-comers. Yes, I know, the church welcomes us with open arms, even those of us chronically late. Again, having a child, I can understand the reasons you may be late. But I have to shake my head as I watch the streams of people filing up the aisles as late into the mass as the readings. Would you be late to a friend's wedding? Or a job interview? Make the same provisions to be on time to mass.

* "Why don't we stand and say hello to our neighbors." I can appreciate the effort to be hospitable. Call me grumpy but I don't want to be told to be so. There's just something weird about it that makes me want to rebel.

* Drums and tambourines - there should never be drums up on the altar. Guitars shouldn't be there, either. Didn't the Sixties teach us anything? My noon mass also features a bass guitar, too. Cool man, it's like a concert!

* The same bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad songs, week after week, that neither inspire nor prepare for the transcendent. After all, that's the spirit we're aiming for, right?

* Singing the "Our Father." It's bad enough that they sing everything they can possibly think of to sing; must they ruin this centerpiece of our faith? There's a version of "Alleluia Sing to Jesus!" straight out of Godspell or Jesus Christ Superstar that only elicits stone-faced silence and looks of embarrassment from most of the men in the pews.

* Gender-neutral language at any cost. Whoever's in charge of the music at my parish hates the words "His" and "Him." Everything and anything that's sung about God, they remove "His" and "Him" and substitute "God." I never understood this - do they think women are so uncomprehending that they will find either offense or see themselves as second-class citizens by referring to God as "He" and "Him" as Jesus did?

* Lectors that speak at a glacial pace. Someone must tell them to do this, 'cause they all do. Now I don't expect nor need them to get all fire-an-brimstone like a prowling Baptist preacher, but let's try to keep the congregants awake and engaged.

* People who are so spatially tone-deaf that they lean back into you as you're leaning forward against their pew in prayer. Be courteous and aware of your surroundings!

* Hand-holding during the "Our Father." No, no, no, no, no. Absolutely not, especially with strangers. And just because I don't want to hold their hands does not mean I have no charity to them. I'm just germ-phobic, that's all.

There's a couple more of questionable taste I could go into, but I won't. So, let me leave with one last image that I wish I never saw again inside the blessed walls of a Catholic Church. You'll know what I'm talking about. You may have the misfortune of seeing it in your weekly bulletins, but I see it every week on the hymnals and missals my church uses. Ready ...

* Hippie Picasso Jesus. Nooooooo! There's hundreds of respectful, reverent works of art from medieval times right up to the modern era. Please, use something that depicts Christ with beauty and awe. Just say no to the Hippie Picasso Jesus!