The Disciplined Child

I remember reading a story, or a parable, a little over five years ago, just before my first daughter was born. It was about the disciplining of children, or more specifically, the disciplined child. For the life of me I can’t remember the source; it was a blog, I remember, and if I do recall which it was I will cite it here as an update. Forgive me if I twist or embellish some details. I remember the gist of the story, if not the exact framing of it. It went something like this:


One day two men were at a park with their sons and the subject of disciplining came up. One of the fathers, an immigrant, was extolling the virtues of the disciplined child and perhaps mentioned his son with a bit of pride. The second father asked for an example.

“Very well,” the first father said. He pointed out his boy playing downhill from them, about fifty yards away. “Observe.”

He called his son by name, and the child turned around. “Stop!” the father shouted.

The boy stopped completely, frozen in his tracks.

“Take three slow steps back!”

The boy obeyed immediately, slowly inching back three paces.

“Now run up here, quick!”

The boy darted up the field and was at his father’s side in less than a minute.

The first father ruffled the boy’s hair. “Very good, my son. Now, go back down and play.”

The second dad was amazed, but a little peeved. “That’s impressive,” he admitted, “but come on, I mean, really! Is that disciplining? It’s seems that you just turned your child into a robot, and for what purpose? The only one I can see is to break his spirit!”

“In my country,” the first dad explained, “it is not uncommon to see snakes in the fields. Most are harmless, but some are not. Our children are trained to obey their parents’ commands without question; for what would be the result if my son was about to step on a poisonous snake, with me watching, helpless, words unheeded, fifty yards away?

“The purpose of disciplining,” he went on, “is never to break a child’s spirit. It is always to protect the child. First physically while a youngster, and then in others ways as the child grows.”